Under the Maple Tree
by hovergirl
Summary: Under the maple tree, just outside of the church, Sirius decided once and for all what he had to do...


funeral

**Author's Note:**I'm not sure if anybody else has done anything like this before.If so, I didn't mean to copy intentionally.I just got an idea one day and played with it a little.This started out as just a regular short story, but then I saw some similarities, so I decided to turn it into HP.That's basically it.

** **

**Title:**Under the Maple Tree

**Summary:**Under the maple tree, just outside of the church, Sirius decided once and for all what he had to do…

**Song(s) Listened to While Writing It:**#24 on the soundtrack to "The Fifth Element" and #8 on the score to "American Beauty" (god, I love that movie…they should really start a "critic's section" on this site, just so I can post my review for it.)

**Dedicated to:**The late, great Edgar Allen Poe for writing all those haunting poems and stories about death.May he rest in peace (ironically enough).

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***

_ _

_Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone.  
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone.  
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum  
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come._

_ _

_Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead  
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead.  
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,  
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves._

_ _

_He was my North, my South, my East and West,  
My working week and my Sunday rest,  
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;  
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong._

_ _

_The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;  
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;  
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;  
For nothing now can ever come to any good._

-I forgot who wrote this.If anybody knows, please tell me.

***

I walked into the shadowy, torch-lit room.I walked down the aisle slowly.People are crying.Everyone is wearing black.Some of them are giving me dirty looks, their eyes red with grief.I vaguely wonder what I am doing here.Then I look up ahead, and suddenly, I remember… 

There they are…the coffins, side by side, both open, heads toward each other.They're beckoning me to look inside them; just one last look at the faces I was so used to seeing…I never thought the day would come when I'd never see them again…

I desperately don't want to look inside those coffins, but something is pulling me towards them, and I'm helpless…

I can hear the people inside whispering to me… 

_"…come closer…closer…"_

I'm terrified.I desperately do not want to look into the faces of my deceased friends.I can't…after so many years of seeing the laughter and happiness in those faces…I can't look into those dead, cold eyes.

I'm terrified of what I might see in them…

All I want to do is sit down with the rest of the people and mourn peacefully…but something is driving me forward, and each terrified step I make is taking me closer…

Five feet away…four feet away…_oh, god, why am I doing this_…?

I'm standing over the open caskets now, but I can't look inside just yet.In fact, I honestly would rather look anywhere else...

My eye catches something sitting on a mantle behind the deep mahogany caskets.It's a stone angel, towering above me, wings seeming to shift in the light as I move my eyes up towards it.I study the face carefully: the eyes are closed, and a trail of dark, stone tears is making its way down the angel's cheeks, traveling little by little over hundreds of years, too slow to notice.

No one else can hear it, but the angel is weeping silently.

…Or maybe that is _me_ weeping inside…

I stood there for what seemed like forever, staring up at the angel's heartbreaking expression…just standing…I didn't even notice the tears pouring down my face and pattering silently on my shoes…I didn't notice when the thorns from the black rose I had been holding had cut deeply into my hand as I clenched my fist, closing it out of the agonizing pain in my chest…I didn't hear the other people in the room whispering about my unexpected arrival at the funeral, or why I had dared to show my face here after betraying the deceased…

All I heard was her whispering secrets in his ear, secrets kept between the two of them…all I saw was the happy look in his eyes as he held her hand…all I felt were the five tiny fingers struggling to grasp just one of mine…

I thought of the newborn, and the beautiful family that could have been…I thought of all the times they would have laughed together, all the lessons they could have taught him, all the bedtime stories they could have read…all of them were stolen…

…by me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I finally gathered the courage to look down at their lifeless faces.They looked as peaceful as ever lying there, but I could barely tell through my watery vision.

A lump was settling itself painfully in the back of my throat, and the urge to cry out was too much.I dropped down on my knees, gripping the smoothly polished sides of their caskets, wailing out my pain in sharp gasps.

"I'M SORRY!" I cried out to them, the suffering I was trying to endure making my voice higher and louder than usual."_I'm sorry!I'm sorry!I'm sorry!I'm sorry!"_ I cried over and over.I knew they couldn't hear me, but I didn't care.All I knew was that they deserved an apology for what I had done; I didn't care about anything else.

I sat there, rocking back and forth, crying like a little lost child.I wailed miserably, my breath catching in my chest.I couldn't see…I couldn't think…blackness, horrifying blackness… I didn't feel the other guests crowding around me, as I lay defenseless on the cold, stone floor.I didn't hear Remus beside me, shouting my name and shaking me forcefully backward and forward…

I only wanted to die…I wanted to be out of this despair, out of this dark, surreal world…I wanted them to be alive again…I wanted to be back at school making trouble, laughing with my friends, having fun like there was no tomorrow, and then resting contentedly at the end of the day in a warm bed…

That was my heaven, and this is my hell.How had it happened?How had I fallen so hard, so fast, that I didn't even notice my own terrible fate?And how had I not foreseen theirs'…?

***

Some hours later, I awoke under a grand old maple tree.Sunlight was coming down in pleasant rays through the many branches, lighting the darkness in my eyes just slightly.I sat up against the tree slowly and looked at my surroundings.

I was sitting atop a low hill, somewhat in the middle of all the gravestones.The sky was blue, and optimistic puffy clouds were scattered here and there.The grass was green and well kept, and the shade under the tree was cool and calming.

I vaguely tried to recall how I had gotten upon the hill.I remembered Remus and a couple of other men…they had carried me away from the building because the ceremony was about to start…I must have slept through the whole thing…

Suddenly, the image of the stone angel flashed across my mind's eye, and the memories of the incident came flooding back to me like poison flowing out of a dam.I felt I had to do something or else the pain would never cease until it ate away my entire heart, leaving only a dull numbness in its place.A throbbing numbness, much like the ghost of a missing limb.

I gazed around my surroundings, looking for a sign of what to do.Finally, I gave up and turned my eyes towards the sky, thinking about how to plead my case.

James…Lily…I know I shouldn't ask for forgiveness, because I don't deserve it… 

_ _

_But I _will_ make it up to you somehow…I know it's probably impossible, but I will…I'll take care of Harry…I'll watch over him for you…don't worry, he'll be safe, I promise you…I'll die before he does, I swear…_

_ _

_I'll do anything…anything for you… _

_ _

_James?…Lily?…_

_ _

_…Are you listening?…_

_ _

_I won't give up, no matter what…I'll never break my promise…Will that make you happy?…Please let that make you happy…That's all I've ever wanted for the three of you, happiness…_

_ _

There was no reply, only the silence of the wind rustling the leaves.But then again, I hadn't really been expecting an answer…

I sighed heavily and stood up.There wasn't anything to be gained by moping around all day.I looked around once more, wondering what to do and where to go.

Then I noticed a funny ringing noise in my ears that I hadn't before.It seemed to be saying something…something that sounded oddly like "…_nnnnnnpeternnnnnn_…" A breeze rushed in, and I let the wind that passed by fill me up with a poisonous hatred.

_Say no more, _I thought with fresh determination, _That rat is as good as dead…_


End file.
